REAL LEADERS ARE ORDINARY PEOPLE WITH EXTRAORDINARY DETERMINATIONI shall advance the hypothesis that envy of non-achievers against the creative minorities is the mainspring of the destruction in Karatedo, that this envy is incited and exploited by alienating achievers and attempting to destroy them, and that the result is the murder of productive, gifted and high-achieving people--along with consequent leadership decline.
I do not mean destruction of artificial status. I use the term to denote the extermination of what Thomas Jefferson called "the natural leaders among men" grounded on "virtues and talents," and constituting "the most precious gift of nature for the instruction, the trusts, and modern of society" (Jefferson, 1813). Jefferson believed that the preservation of these leaders was of cardinal importance. They possess not only high intelligence, but also "virtue"--in more modern terms, character and humanity.
Envy should be distinguished from ambition. Envy is not the desire to excel, but the spiteful urge to pull down the more gifted. Christopher Marlowe wrote in Dr. Faustus: "I am Envy. I cannot read, and therefore wish all books were burnt." In his brilliant and thought-provoking study of the role of envy in human societies, Shoeck (1972) defined it as the resentment inferiors feel at the higher status and greater rewards of their superiors, and quoted Davidson's apt description (p. 15):
Envy is an emotion that is essentially both selfish and malevolent. It...Implies dislike of one who possesses what the envious man himself covets or desires, and a wish to harm him. Graspingness for self and ill will lie at the base of it. There is in it also a consciousness of inferiority to the person envied, and a chafing under this consciousness....
Since envy cannot be extirpated, the great religions have sought to control it and deflect it into comparatively harmless channels. Christianity offered hope to the virtuous poor by promising that the meek would inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5), as did Judaism (Psalms 37:11). The poor were assured that it is "easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" (Mark 10:25).
It remained for the messianic totalitarian movements of our century--Nazism and Communism--to exploit envy on a massive scale as a vehicle for attaining power. Propaganda of both movements depicted the envied people as bestial and unfit to live. Nazi ideology stressed the extermination of the Jewish people on the grounds that they were "sub-human."
The Jew was shown as a hideous lecher in the Nazi press. Red artists made capitalists appear comparably odious and despicable. The enemy must be made to seem vile so that his future murderers (who may possess remnants of decency and morality) can feel justified in their crimes.
Dealing with Jealousy
The information below is intended primarily for people who finding themselves feeling jealous and would like to know how to stop being jealous rather than for those who encounter jealousy in their partner or someone else:
What is Jealousy?
A definition of jealousy may describe it as: one person's fears and anxieties around attention that they perceive is being given to someone else who is important to them. Thus for example a woman might experience jealousy at the sight of her husband or boyfriend dancing with another woman. In some cases, jealousy can lead to violence - for example, some jealous men may become sexually or physically violent towards their partner. If you are on the receiving end of such an experience my advice in most cases would be to leave the relationship, or if that is not practical or you feel not appropriate, then to seek independent advice as soon as possible.
Although most commonly discussed in the context of sexual and romantic relationships, jealousy can also be present between other groups of people - for example, in family situations where sisters or brothers compete against each other for the attention of a parent and one feels left out.
Jealousy, Envy and Insecurity
Jealousy is not the same as envy. Usually envy involves wishing that you were someone else or admiring them. Envy has a tendency to the wistful or dreamy. Jealousy has a tendency towards difficult, painful emotions such as:
· Anger
· Fear
· Feelings of humiliation
One view of jealousy is that ultimately it arises out of insecurities - particularly if the jealousy your are experiencing is unfounded. This view informs the suggestions below as to what you can do to help overcome jealousy and stop yourself being jealous or acting in a jealous way.
Overcoming Jealousy
I recommend a twofold approach to trying to deal with jealousy for the person who experiences it:
Finding ways of Making Yourself Feel More Secure
If your jealousy arises from feeling insecure or from feeling that your worth is dependent on the opinion or praise of one individual then you can try to improve your sense of self esteem and belief in yourself, independently of your partner or whoever is at the centre of your jealous fears. For example:
· Write a list of your positive qualities and achievements and read it through on a daily basis, or when you are feeling insecure, to remind yourself that you do have worth
· Spend some time doing some reasonable activities or pastimes that meet your own wishes or needs - what you will enjoy will depend on you. This might be exercise or talking to friends or music or going to a health centre - whatever you would like to do for your own enjoyment.
Dealing with Jealous Thoughts
Try identifying situations when you find yourself feeling jealous and write down for yourself:
1. When the feelings and jealous thoughts arise.
2. What actual thoughts go through your head.
3. (a) What you might say to yourself (b) What you might do in terms of actions - to prevent the jealous thought from taking over and to retain your dignity.
You might for example:
· remind yourself of those positive qualities that you do have and that these are not dependent on the approval or interest of the other person
· count to 10 before opening your mouth in anger to allow you to collect your thoughts
· if there are others present, look at the other people in the room who are not involved in the situation and not even aware of it and start to wonder what they might be thinking about, as a way of taking your mind off the situation
· remind yourself of similar situation when you have managed to stay in control and try to do again what you did then.
Jealousy Counseling, Jealousy Psychotherapy &
Coaching for Jealousy
If you find it difficult to manage your feelings of jealousy on your own, you may want to seek support from a counselor, coach or psychotherapist. Counselors and psychotherapists work by seeking to look back into your past for the origins of jealousies. Life coaches, and good Karate educator , tend to work in a more forward-looking practical way - seeking to look with you for specific practical actions that you can take to begin to address or manage your situation. Given the importance of thought processes and feelings in jealousy and jealous action, break down your thoughts, feelings and behavior into manageable parts which you can then address.